Once Upon a Time

So… I was thinking about the perfect intro post. Introductions really are like job applications…do I lie or do I tell the truth? Let’s see… First my name is JDV. It really isn’t my name it’s my initials, and it means “awemazing.” Awemazing is the offspring of a passionate love making session between “Awesome” and “Amazing.” I may not have coined the phrase but I perfected it. Anyway, a little about me… Right now I do not have an active blog. Soon I will have a congregation or cult, if you will…think Heaven’s Gate but you get to keep your nuts…think Jonestown minus the dead bodies, you get the picture. There probably will be Kool Aid though; I mean come on who doesn’t like Kool Aid? I strive for World Domination. Right now I see Kim Jong-Il as my main competition. But he is short, he sucks at public speaking, and his weapon of choice is the “ No-Dong” missile. I can take him without breaking a sweat. With the help of the National Geographic channel I have become an experienced world traveler. I learned how to bootleg concerts from watching Rerun do it on What’s Happening. George Jefferson taught me the term “honky”, to this day I still use it. Every once in a while I will call someone a “ Big Dummy”, much love to Fred Sanford for that one. Mr. T educated me on the right way to accessorize my gold chains. John Stamos schooled me on the proper way to wear a mullet, it was a waste of time, John Stamos is an idiot, and everyone knows rat tales are where it’s at. Mike Seaver proved to me that it was possible to be a cool kid and grow up to be a complete moron. I learned how to outrun the law from The Bandit. I firmly believe (and I have proof to back this up) that if you give a monkey the opportunity he can do anything including running a Super Power. My proof is George Bush. And finally I perfected the art of forging doctors’ notes from apprenticing under Juan Epstein. One last thing, Jerry Reed is a musical genius. He is underrated and underappreciated and that is a sin. The man is old , listen to him, he will not be around forever.